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"Times New="New" Roman"">父母在,我总要回北京过年的,哪怕年假用尽,请事假也得回来。看看春节前国人从各地往家乡赶的情形,就说明这节日的重要性。回家乡同父母一起过年,是一种责任,至少对多数中国人是这样的。出国流浪二十多年,只有头几年因政治原因不能回国,每年都要回来的。第一次回国时是在一九九四年。现仍记得第一次回国时从北京机场走出的情景。母亲见到我后,搂着我不说话,一个劲儿地掉泪,然后跟着我和接机的亲友往机场外面走,快走到接人的车前,母亲开口了:# A. u3 Z$ W* N2 D; vmso-fareast-font-family:宋体">“" W8 L# w: z$ I! B: e( }宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:"Times New="New" Roman";mso-hansi-font-family:"Times New="New" Roman";1 v9 |4 E. A$ i
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mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New="New" Roman"">听到后,我心如刀绞,立刻保证以后年年回来看她。之后,我每年至少回国看望父母一次。每次回来,同父母住三四个礼拜。回来时多是在春节期间,就是让父母高兴。+ d, b7 f) ]* l" s6 y3 x
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4 \5 j1 M5 U0 _% d# \/ b! m# p"Times New="New" Roman"">时间是急性子,一年又过去了,父母又老了一岁了,我也大了一岁,离老年的门槛差不了几步。今年又回来过年了。到家没几天,时差还没倒过来,便听到除夕的鞭炮声,朦朦胧胧地进了新年。时间车轮转得真快,催人欲老。兔子当家还没当够,龙就迫不及待地来接班。时间年轮转得也真够狠的,转眼就把我碾成货真价实的老梆子。我生活工作在海外,离退休年龄(7 {& n* w0 L- |/ _7 Wmso-fareast-font-family:宋体">65& ^1 |, Z/ i6 [( S$ I
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mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New="New" Roman"">岁)还很远。国内的同龄亲友有很多已退休,有人已被叫成爷爷奶奶了。真7 @1 D4 a. O5 jmso-fareast-font-family:宋体">TMD% w" H9 T: y5 e3 `, p, H
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mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New="New" Roman"">可怕。四五十岁就退休,想想就可怕,更可笑。7 I& C' A5 ~2 b3 bmso-fareast-font-family:宋体"> 6 B6 o1 Y- \( |" \$ i
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. D4 M0 m* c7 | Z4 \ R"Times New="New" Roman"">年龄上,我承认自己是老梆子,心理上不认可。我仍像孩子那样贪玩,像年轻人那样好胜,仍能在空气稀薄的青藏高原上踢球。我承认时间的年轮已把我碾得越来越老,越来越丑。我能愉快地接受叔叔或大爷级别的帽子,还不能接受爷爷级别的帽子。- i% A7 J# m# i$ m
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0 T3 ? y) z8 F$ H, t* m U# Kmso-bidi-font-family:"Times New="New" Roman"">级别的帽子,陪着父母接受小辈的拜年。幼时盼过年,现在怕过年,怕过年的一些风俗。过年要接待和走访平时无任何往来的人,一天接着一天地,陪着年迈父母累着,虚伪地应酬着八方来人。从初一到初七,天天瞎忙着,却不知在忙什么,不做还不行。好像一切为了过年而过年,幼时过年的欢喜已不在了。当无穿新衣的期待,当无偷吃的欲望,当无燃鞭炮的兴趣的时候,过年就成了为别人过年或成了别人的节日。5 H2 t" a# x: ]! ?; l
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) X7 T8 J% q* ]' G"Times New="New" Roman"">现在怕过年,怕小辈叫我,那不是白叫的,得给压岁钱。春节各地习俗不尽相同,压岁钱却是相同。长辈给晚辈,挣钱的给不挣钱的,结婚的给未结婚。对我这个海外穷人,压岁钱成了负担,令人心惊肉跳。压岁钱数额也水涨船高,年年见涨。现在几百块一份的压岁钱会让白眼,上千块一两份 还能承担,可架不住一连串平时无任何往来的小辈叫我叔叔大爷。现在过年,于我少了些期待却多了份责任, 而我总扮演不好自己的角色。压岁钱表面上是发给晚辈的,实际上是长辈间的俗不可耐的人情世故。我曾瞎想,我要是有百八十个孩子,那该多好。过年开辆面包车,拉上一车孩子到处串门,一路叫爷爷奶奶叔叔阿姨,那应该是个很好的敛钱路子。说穿了,怕派发压岁钱还是自己太穷。过年期间,钱包眼看着越来越瘪。春节已成了春劫。
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1 _" ~6 R! ]/ g/ p) A1 G9 N"Times New="New" Roman"">过年让人怀旧,让人想起故去的人。从去年春节到今年春节,陆续走掉了不少亲戚、同学和朋友。去年还在一起吃喝胡侃和电话聊天的他们,今年却化成一把灰或躺在地下木盒子里。生命是脆弱的,一人只一次。每人在自己的哭声中来到这个也许不想来的世界,又在别人的哭声中离开这个不想离开的世界。我们面对与己毫不相干的别人的故去时,都感叹生命的短暂。当死亡发生在身边时,才可能感受真正恐惧,开始对上天敬畏。在短暂生命中,更多人活在虚伪里,活在名利和金钱里。我时常会感叹,人这一生,到底为了什么?即使到了老梆子时候,我还在朦胧中,站在人9 ~9 C5 {/ z: {# _' k宋体"> 6 K5 c9 ?" X, S" S
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